Reading through my past blog posts, I’ve realized that I’ve been too damn depressing lately. So consider this my redemption post, where I stop being a morose fuck and start making you all laugh again.
I noticed something else in rereading my old posts. I spend a lot of time writing about men. Like, a lot. (New to the blog? Catch up here, here, and here.) Unfortunately, the time I spend talking about men is grossly disproportionate to the amount of time I spend talking to men.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I fail to attract attention from the menfolk. Actually, it’s quite the contrary—I happen to be a hit with men in construction/landscaping vehicles, men without jobs, and the homeless. Walking through Central Square does amazing things for my self esteem. But I need more than whistles and “Hey Baby’s!”
It has been suggested that I’m picky. I like to think that I just have standards, like any lady should. Nothing outlandish, nothing unreasonable. Just standards of what kind of guy I would consider granting access to my ladybits.
So, in the interest of introspection, let’s explore:
#1
To start this list, I want to establish myself as an accepting person, unconcerned with (certain) superficialities. Height is one of these. I appreciate a tall, strapping gentleman just as much as the next gal, but if a guy only meets my eye level (5’7″ ish), it’s not a deal breaker. If we’re face to face in a prone position, I can’t tell where his feet are anyway. And by that time, I probably am only concerned about where his penis is.
Exceptions: Lightweights at this height, as classified by FISA.
#2
Do you know what your neck tattoo says to me, sir? “I inhale things that impede my judgment of such matters.” Or, ”I was in jail.” Neither of which are traits I look for in a guy. I imagine your employment prospects drop off significantly when the interviewer can see “Chi-Tonw” peeking its misspelled, Gothic script from under your collar. Your prospects with me are similarly correlative.
Exceptions: Musicians in an actively-gigging band.
I suspect this is going to take a while. Men: I hope you’re taking notes.
